Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Daily DUI News: May 29th, 2007

Culprit: Jerry Buss
Occupation: Owner of the Los Angeles Lakers
Quote from a painstakingly prepared statement issued by the Lakers organization: "Although I was driving only a short distance, it was a bad decision and I was wrong to do it."
Probable Cause: The once great Laker franchise is in salary cap hell with no end in sight and Kobe is sounding off once again. His second best player is named Smush and his boy wonder Andrew Bynum has the entire city "wonder"ing why they didn't trade him for Jason Kidd. He is coming to the sad realization that if he would have kept Shaq, he could be drinking championship rings instead of whiskey sours.
What happens now: Svedka Vodka is likely to pull out as sponsor of Buss' birthday party. But he has gained the respect of local party animal Lindsay Lohan. Also, Kobe Bryant has reportedly already demanded the Lakers search for a new owner only to quickly back off claiming it was only a suggestion.

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